How To Escape Davy Jones And His Crew Of Sword-Wielding Monkeys

Ah, yes. The moment you all probably HAVEN'T been waiting for. I am going to tell you how to escape Davy Jones and his crew of sword-wielding monkeys (or is it monkies...Hmm)! No more ugly, barnacle-encrusted minions for Davy Jones! He's going up in the world!
Ahem. Anyway.


Step One: Climb a tree (preferably a palm tree. It's more piratey) to give yourself more time and an advantage of height. Davy Jones's sword-wielding monkeys can't climb. One of their few fallbacks.

Step Two: Throw apples at the sword-wielding monkeys. Contrary to popular belief, sword-wielding monkeys DO NOT like bananas. They like apples. Especially green ones.

Step Three: At this point, Davy Jones will probably try to shoot at you from the Flying Dutchman. After all, he can't come on land except for once every ten years. When he does, hide in the leaves of the tree (preferably a palm tree) to mess up his aim.

Step Four: Have your fire-breathing dragon go out to burn the ship. What?! You don't have a fire-breathing dragon?! You must be joking! Well, you better go out and get one from Dragons "R" Us. Then come back and finish reading this.

Step Five: Well?! What are you waiting for?! Go get a fire-breathing dragon!

Step Six: Okay, good. Now that his ship is momentarily dispatched (it'll become whole again soon...one of its many magical properties), jump down from the tree (preferably a palm tree), and sneak past the sword-wielding monkeys who are distracted by apples.

Step Seven: Run into the jungle. Beware of the Pelegostos cannibals!!!

Step Eight: Once you're on the other side of the island, row out to the Black Pearl and get on. Barbossa (who happens to have taken control of the Pearl) should let you stay on the Pearl, just so long as you pull your own weight.

Step Nine: Hope that Davy Jones doesn't find you again. If he does, he'll be angrier than the Kraken with a toothache.


Well, there you have it! Good luck, and I hope you don't get eaten by your own fire-breathing dragon! They tend to malfunction, don't ya know.